Mostly Harmless

Yesterday marked the third day in a row that my apartment building wasn’t on fire when I got home. I’m pretty happy about that.

On Sunday I drove into the underground garage, parked the car, and walked upstairs to my apartment past the wailing fire alarms. If you’ve ever lived in an apartment building you know that most of these things are false alarms — at this building the alarms are false about 60% of the time, apparently, ‘cuz this is the second fire in the last few years.

The first “fire” was merely some smoldering in a laundry basket on the third floor. This time the entire game room was totally destroyed in a non-trivial fire on, once again, the third floor — about 30 feet from the last fire. Coincidence? I think not! The people on the third floor can’t be trusted, that’s what I say… luckily I live on the ground floor and can pretty much walk out my front door or patio door at a very leisurely pace if the building’s really on fire; I rarely raise an eyebrow when the alarms are going off.

I must have gotten home mere minutes after the fire started because only the fire marshal’s car had arrived by the time I went out to chat with one of the building managers. Eventually there were at least 5 different fire trucks on the scene and yet it wasn’t terribly exciting due to lack of visible flames and such. Some TV camera guy showed up, a bit late, and seemed disappointed by the lack of flames and smoke… yeah, cry me a river pal.

I suppose you want the fire to be described as “not terribly exciting” when it’s your building that’s on fire.

If it had been a really exciting fire I would be a lot further along in the house buying process and wouldn’t have to clean my apartment or move any possessions… I’ve got renter’s insurance… bring it on*.

* This is not an invitation for some smart-ass to burn down my apartment building, FYI.

Unwritten (er, until now?) Rules of The Drive Thru:

If you’re going to Arby’s and there’s a big line of cars at the drive-thru there are probably three empty lines inside the building — so park your car, go inside, you’ll be done in a flash.

If you’re going to Taco Bell and there’s a big line of cars at the drive-thru under no circumstances should you consider going inside — there are probably more people inside, and there appears to be only one “pipeline” (or “thread,” if I want to actually reference the title) for the losers who go inside. The drive-thru folks will kick your butt and be long gone.

Also note that cars are bigger than people and a long line of cars is generally equal to a short line of people. Most days it doesn’t pay to get out of the air conditioned car and give up your tunes to shave a couple of minutes off of your lunch run. Not only did I have to wait around at Taco Bell today but I was forced to listen to Madonna while I did it; and it wasn’t the 1980’s Pop stuff, it was the new crap she’s got out now.

I’d like to thank Macy’s for sharing the Kelly Love tonight by having Kelly Clarkson sing the opening song for their little fireworks show:

(… link removed on account of the thousands of downloads I was hosting for the whole internet …)

Supposedly this was some sort of “4th of July” special, but we Kelly fans know that the only reason for the whole extravaganza was to get a new live Kelly performance.

Sing along…

O beautiful for heroes prov’d
In liberating strife,
Who more than self their country loved,
And mercy more than life.

America! America!
May God thy gold refine
Till all success be nobleness,
And ev’ry gain divine.

O beautiful for spacious skies,
For amber waves of grain,
For purple mountain majesties
Above the fruited plain!

America! America!
God shed His grace on thee,
And crown thy good with brotherhood
From sea to shining sea!

America! America!
God shed His grace on thee,
And crown thy good with brotherhood
From sea to shining sea!